How To Build Healthy Relationships After Addiction
Addiction is often a lifelong battle that can destroy relationships and lives. But it doesn’t have to be that way. With a few healthy lifestyle changes, you can build and even rebuild healthy relationships after addiction.
Author:Michael RachalReviewer:Finn WildeDec 08, 20249.4K Shares125.9K Views
Addiction is often a lifelong battle that can destroy relationships and lives. But it doesn’t have to be that way. With a few healthy lifestyle changes, you can build and even rebuild healthy relationships after addiction. Whether you are an addict or someone who loves an addict, it’s important to understand the nature of addiction and treat it like what it is — a disease. This means any kind of relationship with open eyes, clear boundaries, and intense love.
Have Access To Resources
The first and most important part of building a healthy relationship after addiction is having access to strong, stable resources. Without them, you run the risk of triggering a relapse without any support that can stop it. Resources for an addict mean everything from a sponsor the addict can call anytime they’re feeling the urge to use to inpatient treatment for substance abuse. Depending on where the addict is on their journey, they’ll need to be able to access them all.
If you are a recovering addict, keep the numbers of your support system — your sponsor, your counselor, etc. — on hand at all times. If you’re the loved one of a recovering addict, you should also have resources to reach out to, like Al-Anon. For both sides of a relationship, you’ll have hard times and struggles, and it will be exponentially more difficult without experienced people to help you through them.
Set Clear Boundaries
Boundaries can mean the difference between mere temptation and full-blown relapse. Indeed, many people become addicts because of a lack of boundaries in the first place. Children who spent years with a caregiver who was an addict, or were neglected so they had to grow up too fast, often turn to drugs or alcohol to numb the pain. Adults who never learned boundaries as kids often fall into relationships with addicts because they don’t know how to protect themselves.
The good news is it’s never too late to start setting healthy boundaries. These boundaries include being able to communicate your needs and have them respected, being able to say “no,” and giving and receiving consent for all contact. If you feel like these boundaries are being pushed, you need to recognize it early and re-establish them. Also, make a call to your support system to discuss the next steps. If your emotions are intense after having your boundaries challenged, it can be helpful to speak with a neutral, cool-headed person.
Remove Temptation
It’s important for a recovering addict and anyone who hopes to have a relationship with a recovering addict to remove all potential temptations. Often, addicts not yet experienced with the addiction cycle may think they can handle “just one drink.” Or, they might believe they can resist drinking or using drugs when others around them are engaging. The loved one of an addict may decide that “it’s not fair that I have to abstain, too. I don’t have a problem.”
But the reality is that the life of a recovering addict will long be one of having to resist temptations, and this means removing as many as you can. The person in recovery must avoid situations that involve drugs and alcohol, especially at the beginning of recovery. The person or people invested in building a healthy relationship with a recovering addict will need to keep drugs and alcohol out of their houses as well. It’s a solid way to show love and support.
Be Prepared For Failure
Still, with all the removals of temptation, the recovering addict may fail, and they may fail more than once. It can take, on average, between two and five recovery attempts to finally get recovery to stick. And for some people, it takes many more times than that. Addiction is a chronic condition, and a big part of that condition is relapse. What’s often worse is that relapse comes with feelings of shame and guilt on the part of the addict.
For the loved one, relapse can feel like betrayal and disappointment. Then, you both have to deal with all those feelings. As a result, it’s critical that the addict and the loved one be prepared for the inevitability of relapse. Discuss how you both feel about it and what your plan will be to get through it. This advanced conversation may be one of the most important conversations of your relationship.
Love Unconditionally
A large part of that conversation will have to revolve around unconditional love. It’s not easy to be a recovering addict, and it’s no easier to be the person who loves a recovering addict. There has to be unconditional love on both sides, and it must extend beyond the relationship. Without committing to unconditional love, it will be all too simple to just give up. The addict may give up recovery and the loved one may give up on the relationship.
To commit to unconditional love means deciding to love yourself first, always. The addict has to love herself so much that she forgives herself for relapsing, that she sees her condition as a disease to learn to live with, and that she keeps trying for her own health and well-being. The loved one must love herself enough to set those healthy boundaries and hold them firm. Then, you both can learn to love each other unconditionally through it all.
In the end, the journey of addiction, recovery, and relapse is a grueling one that takes willpower, discipline, and love. Those three elements can look like different things to different people, but they are typically critical to every healthy relationship that includes a recovering addict. Be patient with yourselves and with each other, trust that you can do this together, and keep moving toward a stronger, brighter future. It is possible.
Michael Rachal
Author
Michael Rachal believes that luxury lies in the details. With over 20 years of experience in the luxury travel industry, he has crafted hundreds of bespoke itineraries for clients seeking personalized, unforgettable experiences.
Whether guiding clients through private cultural tours or curating culinary journeys with world-renowned chefs, Michael ensures that each trip is tailored to perfection.
His ability to anticipate needs and exceed expectations has earned him a reputation as a leading expert in luxury travel.
Finn Wilde
Reviewer
For Finn Wilde, the wilderness is more than just a destination - it’s a way of life. Over the past decade, he has led multiple expeditions in some of the world’s most remote regions, from the icy fjords of Greenland to the rugged trails of Patagonia.
Finn emphasizes sustainability in all of his adventures, helping participants connect with nature while promoting responsible exploration. His expeditions inspire individuals to explore the great outdoors while fostering a deep respect for the environment.
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